Realization!

  

On his way home, he stopped at the market to buy flowers for his mom and just like every other Friday he dismissed the thought and headed home. He saw his mother at the door waiting for his arrival. He noticed the sigh of relief on her face and asked himself, “When would she change?”

“Where have you been? Was there too much traffic?” her mother asked just like every other day curiosity looming all over her. 

“I cannot be home early every day”, he snapped and disappeared into his room, leaving her stranded at the door. She walked back to the kitchen and resumed what she was doing - preparing his favorite dish.

He knew he had been selfish all his life, he knew he didn’t give back the affection, love and at least few moments to cherish to people who loved him the most. Even worse, he never let this realization take over him at any point in his life, for he knew he would then be weak and like most of the humans be dependent on someone and that would haunt him every single day, till the day either of them gives up on someone and he was too stubborn to go through that ordeal. He soon realized he would then be on the receiving end, on the end where his mother and sister currently were and no one better than him knew what it was like to return unrewarded from there.

“Do you like the curry?” his mother asked at dinner, eager for a bout of affection.

“Seems fine to me” he said, not being too rude.

“Can you not be a little more affectionate and subtle while replying to her?” demanded his sister sitting next to him.

“I just did” he snapped got up from his chair, and declared “I am full” and disappeared into his room, letting the bowl full of his favorite dish - the Halwa go unnoticed!

One day, his sister came home from school exhilarated and her smile which he admired the most, but never revealed it to her etched from ear to ear. 

“What’s the matter sweet pea?” inquired her mother.

“I secured the First rank in the class and was awarded the best student in the school”, she said smiling letting most of the words go blur.

He didn’t react to her exhilaration, instead he said “That is not a big deal, go to your room and complete your homework”. 

Her mother noticed the smile on her face fading and gave a look of admonishment to her son, who without acknowledging either of the reactions continued reading the book he has clung on to since morning.

Later that night, he checked in on his sister who was busy reciting a poem from her book. He noticed her head go back and forth and her eyes darted on the empty wall and her little fingers counting the number of times she had recited a single poem. 

“Here you go, this is for you”, he said. Not letting his happiness exploit his facial muscles. It was her favorite book of cartoons and a Mickey Mouse toy which he promised to buy her on her birthday a year ago. 

He could see her face beaming and the smile etching on her face from ear to ear. 

“Thank You Bhaiyya, love you!” she said jumping excitedly on the bed and hugging him. 

He responded back perplexed, by hugging her like never before, a drop of tear rolling down his cheek and a smile that brightened his face. 

Earlier that evening, he was in his room and when he overheard his mother talking to his sister.

“You know what, bhaiyya loves you a lot and he wants you to carry the same ranks and grades in the following year, so wants you to work hard and not be overjoyed by this result, okay?”

“He could have said that too, why be so rude?” she said sobbing.

 

“It is for your own good and he is not rude, he is a little stressed”, she said reassuringly. 

“He is on leave for the past 3 days, from what is he getting stressed?” she demanded in a way that made her mom give up on the conversation. There was no point in making her daughter understand her sons behavior, which even she failed decipher all her life and had been a victim of.

The next Friday, he stopped at the market, only this time, he bought the fresh roses his mom loved and a box of chocolates his sister devoured and headed home. 

Unlike everyday for the past 2 years, he didn’t see his mother at the door. His face turned red and his selfishness took over him, he thought the change he wished for came too quickly, came before he had his chance of atoning his sins. By the time he reached the door, his mother came out, worry written all over her face, which disappeared at the mere sight of her son, and she let the same sigh of relief.

And, at that moment he shed all his inhibitions, the fears which he dreaded. He never told why he was like this, why he was harsh and afraid to love back until that evening when he did, after briefly crying on his mother shoulder while hugging her.

Later that evening, he joined her mother and sister in preparing the dinner, he exclaimed that this was the best food had ever tasted. He noticed the beaming faces of his mother and sister and their smiles, he then realized what they had been missing, and surprised that it was so little of what he did that made them love him more than ever, and in that realization lay a happiness he had not known earlier!